Small Triumphs

In a guided practice at an InSpire meeting the other day we investigated how we lead, and how that impacts us. We looked at how we lead ourselves, how we lead those close to us, how we lead subordinates, how we lead in the world. As we investigated how we lead ourselves, I quickly became more aware just how hard I am on myself. How I regularly push myself to achieve more in a day than the hours allow for, and then experience disappointment at not being able to meet my goals. And when I mess up, I tend to get upset with myself.

Now, I’ve been doing this practice for the best part of two decades, so I’m well aware of the need for self-directed kindness and compassion. In class after class I preach this. And I’m certainly kinder to myself than I once was. But the hardest thing to see is frequently that which is right in front of us, so while I know how important it is to be kind to myself, and while I have had many visceral experiences of the value of self-kindness, I have been unable to recognize how much unkindness remains.

Until now.

The unkindness I’m speaking of is not uncommon. As Dr. Rick Hanson says, our minds are like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones. It’s an evolutionary thing: in order to survive in the wild, our forebears needed to be ever-alert for danger, because anything that could kill us quite likely would if we lacked vigilance. Meanwhile, the good things—while enjoyable—didn’t need to occupy the limelight.

So we are genetically predisposed to see the bad and overlook the good. I notice this predisposition manifesting in my day-to-day experience of myself: when I achieve something, I tend to just move onto the next thing without a second thought. Occasionally, however, I mess up. When that happens, I often become upset and disappointed with myself. I remember a few years ago, I was trying to list the 50 states to my mother (who is also an Australian by birth), and I ‘only’ came up with, I think, 49 of them. I was quite disappointed with myself, while she tried to point out that being able to name almost all of them off the top of my head was a fairly decent feat for an Aussie, even if he did live in the US. I was unable to agree with her.

Until now.

You see, what I’ve discovered is that my day is full of small triumphs. Waking up in the morning, making breakfast, getting my son to school, updating a web page, responding to emails, leading a mindfulness class, connecting with friends and family, doing the dishes or laundry, having a shower, feeding the pets, watering the plants, sweeping the floor, getting dressed, walking, breathing, talking, reading, even writing this: no matter how unremarkable, each of these is a small triumph. There was a time in my life when I couldn’t do any of these things, after all!

But it gets even simpler than this. If you’ve ever practiced mindfulness meditation (and if you haven’t, I’d love to know why you’re reading this!), you will know how hard it is to maintain attention on the breath. Or on anything, for that matter! Every single in-breath and every single out-breath that I maintain attention on is a small triumph. Every single time I bring my attention back to my breath after drifting away from it is a small triumph. Sitting still for 20 minutes or 40 minutes or an hour while attempting to watch my breath is a small triumph. Engaging in the practice daily for years on end is a small triumph. Almost every single aspect of engaging in the practice is a small triumph.

And if something as simple as following an in-breath from beginning to end is a small triumph, it follows that no matter how mundane my day may be, it is positively loaded with an endless assortment of small triumphs. And occasionally I mess up. And when I do, correcting what I messed up is yet another small triumph. In fact, I would suggest that if you were somehow able to add up every single small triumph and every single mistake, that the small triumphs would dominate by at least a thousand to one.

So now I’m making it a practice a to acknowledge small triumphs throughout my day. The beauty of this is that every time I do acknowledge one, that will be another small triumph in itself!

What small triumphs have you experienced recently?

Small Triumphs: A meditation on the breath